If you've landed here from our recent reel about avoidance...
GO YOU for showing interest in trying a different approach!
Here are 3 things you could try anytime you like:
1. Create space for thoughts & feelings otherwise where else are they going to go?
In many small ways (that are often enjoyable) humans are prone to blocking out thoughts and feelings that we just don’t want to deal with. This is how experiential avoidance starts sneaking into our lives.
Imagine this experiment for tackling a mundane task like cleaning the house:
Scenario one: background noise like music or a podcast while getting the job done
Scenario two: Silence whilst tackling it.
At first, scenario two (silence) could be confronting: boredom, annoyance and dread for the task at hand, maybe negative or judgemental thoughts and ruminations about other things because you’ve created space to “be in your own head.”
In this experiment, doing the mundane task in silence is increasing your ability to tolerate being in your own head (which isn’t easy for overthinkers!)
In scenario one, though music or background noise is not a harmful form of experiential avoidance (not suggesting you clean the house in silence here!) the example illustrates how just giving our thoughts and feelings space to “percolate” can help with processing them.
Other ways are journalling, talking to a friend or therapist or simply checking-in with yourself. The Feelings Wheel is also an excellent option for adults & children (did you even know there were so many layers to basic feelings?!)
When we allow ourselves to really feel & observe our thoughts and feelings we give them an outlet, which actually helps to relieve and resolve them. If we over-rely on experiential avoidance, then we just end up bottling them up or running away from them.
2. Consider the long-term costs.
For those of us who are socially anxious there can be short-term relief in experiential avoidance- declining social invitations, avoiding social interactions, putting off replying to messages or not making the effort with new relationships. However, there are enormous costs to these forms of experiential avoidance- loneliness, isolation, low self-esteem, hurt feelings in relationships and ultimately regret.
For those in the dating world, you might experience short-term fears of rejection, frustration, anxiety and vulnerability however, in the long-term learning to face and tolerate these emotions is the only way to find a meaningful relationship.
Your go-to avoidance behaviours could be costing you more than you relaise.
3. Emotion Regulation Strategies
If you can see that some of your go-to experiential avoidance strategies are having a negative impact on yourself or others, it might be helpful to try some different emotion regulation strategies.
- Exercise is a powerful way of releasing stress (negative emotions) and increasing endorphins (positive emotions.) No harmful side effects here that come with binge-drinking, binge-watching or gaming etc.
- Deep breathing exercises - who knew just getting more oxygen could make such a difference
- Cold burst of water in the shower
- Hot bath
- Massage
- Talking! This is a powerful emotion regulation strategy, though could be overwhelming to know where to start or how to word something.
- Counselling or therapy is great for helping overcome experiential avoidance. In a safe space with a trained professional extraordinary results can be achieved and sometimes sooner than you might think. Click here for some support ideas.
Be kind to yourself dear reader,
In so many ways, we are wired towards getting rid of negative emotions, avoiding suffering and protecting ourselves. This mode comes with a significant cost & you’ll miss out on the best life has to offer.
In what ways might you be avoiding more than living?