Personal Boundaries are essentially knowing how to separate your feelings or ‘stuff’ from someone else’s.
- Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo
Love this quote because humans have their own thoughts, memories and experiences. These form the perspective from which we view life. Boundaries help us keep that space.
Boundaries range from being rigid and strict to appearing almost non-existent. Examples of rigid boundaries could be:
• keep others at a distance
• seem detached, even with intimate partners
• have few close relationships
• avoid close relationships
Loose boundary example are:
• get too involved with others’ problems
• find it difficult to say “no” to others’ requests
• overshare personal information with others
• seek to please others for fear of rejection
9 Steps to maintaining good boundaries
1 Reflect on the reasons for your boundaries
Stuff happens and people feel uncomfortable, but sometimes we’re not sure WHY. Explore what’s happening to you.
2 Start with a few boundaries
If you don’t have many boundaries in place already, the prospect of introducing more might seem overwhelming — so build them up slowly. This provides time to reflect on whether it’s heading in the right direction or if you need to make tweaks.
3 Start as early as possible
We teach others how to treat us. By setting boundaries and expectations ideally from the very beginning or as soon as possible, everyone knows where they stand. Feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration can be lessened.
4 Keep boundaries consistent
Letting boundaries slide can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations. Reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs where you need to, and ensures boundaries remain established.
5 Carve out time for yourself
Alone time each week is important. Solitude in whatever quantity you crave can recalibrate the soul! This boundary could apply whether you live with a partner, have a busy social schedule with friends, or are close with your family.
6 Set healthy boundaries on social media
Social media platforms can be a minefield for considerable boundary blurring. What age should it be allowed? During what times? In what rooms? And it goes on. Oversharing is a biggy & research shows that more than half the population is concerned that family and friends will post personal information or photos they don’t want shared publicly.
Just remember- If a particular action is boundary-crossing in real life, your concerns are no less valid when it occurs digitally. Assertively ask the person to take the content down ��
7 Communicate when your boundaries are crossed
Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially if someone consistently oversteps yours. While you might need to raise your concerns, these discussions need not be confrontational. This is healthy!
For example, if you have a friend who sends messages nonstop, you could try
‘I can see you really wanted to get hold of me, but the best thing to do is drop me a message, and I’ll get back to you when I can.’ This gently highlights their behavior while simultaneously asserting your threshold.
8 Practice self-love
Engage in activities you enjoy so your boundaries have a strong foundation. If you’ve got a narrative in your head that says you’re worthless & undeserving, then protecting your boundaries could be especially hard.
Feed your own heart with activities and passions you enjoy to get that self love fire burning again.
9 Keep perspective
Not having boundaries can be detrimental to our mental health, but going too far and over-thinking them can also impact our emotional well-being and how enjoyable we are to be around!
Sometimes you’ve just got to go with your gut instinct. You are capable of navigating most things and human beings are intuitive so trust that ✨
Click here to read "5 Steps to help manage boundary violators"
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