Have you ever crossed a line or had your boundaries crossed?
Shame free zone here… I answer yes to both questions!
Boundary violations happen & sometimes without intention.
If you’ve tried to set a boundary with someone, and they just won’t accept it, you might have a *boundary violator* on your hands.
Examples are
🚩 Ignoring your “no” & doing the opposite
🚩 Mocking or scrutinising your boundary (this can feel belittling)
🚩 Demanding your time or forcing plans on you
🚩 Pushing back or laying on guilt when you say no
🚩 Talking you out of your boundaries
🚩 Telling you that you’re overreacting
Boundary violators aren’t necessarily bad people!
They probably haven’t had good boundaries modelled for them so they’re not sure how to react when someone holds boundaries.
This will change the way you hold boundaries for you and yours.
STEP ONE – Yes you are doing the right thing.
In case you have doubts at first, remember step one. Sharing what you need to feel respected is caring for yourself. Choosing to communicate when a boundary has been crossed for you personally or professionally is healthy….Suffering in silence isn’t!
STEP TWO - Communicate. Clearly communicate.
Once you take a breath & let some of the emotion drain (this might take some time so carve that out if required) Explain that you feel boundary XXX has been crossed and how you feel since it has been disrespected. Long winded explanations are not required here! Use clear language, no sugar coating. People who care about will usually back off at this point because they wouldn’t want you to feel that way.
STEP THREE - Be clear about your actions.
For example, “If you continue to talk about this thing that makes me uncomfortable, I’m going to disconnect from the conversation & leave.”
STEP FOUR - Follow through.
This part is important because YOU are important (when children are involved this includes them.) Create some distance. Sometimes healthy distance can help both parties when boundaries are being respected.
STEP FIVE - The broken record strategy.
Some personalities need to have something repeated a few times for it to sink in…. Have you found this?! You might feel like you are being “too blunt” or “rude” but clear language with no sugar coating your boundary is what might be required.
You teach people how to treat you
-Dr Phil McGraw
Click here to read "How and WHY to set healthy boundaries"
Interested in personal growth? Sign up for our not-selly free emails here